One of the things I like best about Deanna is her ability to get me to talk about the strangest stuff. Okay, it's not so much an ability to get me to talk, as it is more an ability to withstand the amount of dorky stuff that pours out of my mouth.
Last night's conversation was about little things that annoyed us, and I launched into my soap box speech about how guys should not talk to each other in a public restroom.
I'm really not sure when or where this practice began, but I can guess it had something to do with the monks who took vows of silence, and realized the blessing of silence in a public restroom.
So, dear readers, here are the Men's Restroom Rules for you consideration.
1. Do not talk to each other, ever. Did you know that the Romans had large public restrooms in their empire? Their empire fell to pieces. This is why we enjoy silence, because every time you talk, you risk having America collapse.
2. When the stall door is shut, I am invisible. It is for the best if you do not attempt to identify the person who just made that "manly" sound/smell by their shoes. Treat them with dignity and anonymity.
3. The Mark of Shame. It is a well known fact that some men sit down to pee, like little sissy girls. Remember that all men in the room can hear what you are doing, and if you use a sitting stall to just pee, you best be standing up with the door open, or you will be held down and branded as a little sissy girl for the rest of your life. That, or poop.
4. Do not pleasure yourself, EVER. Remember, we can hear everything you do in that stall. Approved "manly" sounds are all we want to hear. What we don't want to hear is someone struggling and grunting to...ya know what, forget explaining this. If you get caught "pleasuring yourself" in a public restroom, you will be branded a freak for life. Wait until you're at home for cryin' out loud!
5. No women allowed. They have cooties, need you any other reason?
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