I am of the opinion that super powers really exist. Now, to be clear, I'm not talking about any of the major ones you'd see in movies like X-Men or Sky High. I'm talking about actual, proven abilities that transcend understanding.
For example: My cousin Matt has the ability to detect women's breasts of C-cup or larger size without looking at a range of 25 feet. No less than twice have I witnessed first hand when he has, from within a room with a single window with his back to the window and more than five feet inside the room, sat up straight, announced "boobs", with the result that a random, complete stranger walked past the window with large breasts. It got kinda scary after a while.
Side Note: I know other guys who can claim to have that power, but my cousin has been the only one I have witnessed to use it accurately. Back to the blog.
I know of a person who can navigate their way to the only empty parking space in a parking lot without searching for one first. That includes driving around slowly and ducking to look between cars.
I myself, have an uncanny ability as well. I can plan trips to the movie within very specific parameters of audience member numbers. Let me explain how and what this power is.
I discovered I had this power one day shortly after Rush Hour 2 came out. As Deanna will tell you, I have a problem with crowds, and typically I like my audience numbers low, and the make up of the audience at a mature level. Well, I wanted to see the movie, opening week, and I didn't want to be stuck with a big audience. I planned the perfect outing, and as I sat in the theatre, I realized that my planning and my gut instincts had made it so that my movie audience was just me. Me, alone with a tub of popcorn and a large Mr. Pibb on opening week of summer hit movie. Perfection.
Since then, I have used my power mostly for my own entertainment. Low audience numbers, and a mature audience. Every movie I planned went off perfectly. There were a few glitches, of course, as my power is unable to account for one or two random elements, such as bad parents bringing their newborn and 5 year old to see Pan's Labyrinth. But something happened that I did not expect on May 24th, 2008.
I met Deanna. On our first date, I planned dinner and a movie. I used my power to make sure the movie times gave us a medium sized audience of mature adults to watch Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Now, I had planned for a 7:45 showing, in case she didn't seem interested in me and wanted to get to the part of the date we didn't have to talk, and I had a back up plan for a showing at 8:15 in case we did hit it off. What she did to me was amazing. We ended up at the 10:20 showing without any plan.
From then on, my powers were used for good. I planned movie outings with maximum audience members of the fun, slightly less mature nature. And Deanna loves my power. Though she does roll her eyes when I talk about it with other people.
So dear readers, what powers do you have?
P.S. - I think my soon-to-be-sister-in-law has the power to fix bad haircuts. We might have to research this one to verify it. Thanks Melissa!!!
I have the power to make people laugh... by laughing. :p
ReplyDeleteYes, many, many, many first hand accounts of that power!
ReplyDeleteI have been told in the past by many, that I have the power to sense the presence of wild game, and spot it in an instant, even on a far away hill, even calling it in to me.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a child I tracked game like an Indian (I am part Cherokee) and could get close to it. I was always bringing it home, to terrify my poor mother. Rabbits, snakes, squirrels, rodents, baby foxes. Funny how she would not let me keep a one of them. I was like Rama in Green Mansions. It scared my parents.
Once I even walked right up to a black bear- five feet away. Of course the next thing, everybody was running screaming towards their cars, including me!! I was lucky I didn't get eaten. Some super powers leave you totally super stupid.
Another time, when David was only 10 months old, I tried to approach a grazing elk cow at Yellowstone. The quietly grazing cow elk, became an instant fiend, turned and charged us! I threw David under the huge fallen tree we'd just climbed over only to see the elk calf lying below it. I ran, tried to jump over the tree but impaled my shin on a branch! By then the elk cow was laughing. My boys spent three days having fun at Yellowstone while I nursed an infected leg in the car.
Same trip a buffalo I was photographing out my car window, grunted and drove a horn through the passenger door where I was sitting, and shook the car up and down like paper! From there it went downhill...
Somehow, as I got older and became an archer, I also keow how to call in deer using a fawn sound, which totally pissed off my then boyfriend who had the actual store bought fawn call and couldn't get dick to happen. Or we could be driving along looking for deer, and I'd shout, "stop, over there!" Sure enough, barely visable would be a deer standing still 500 yards away. My brain somehow sensed it.
Now I can't see anything, years later, and it's my husband who says, "Hey did you see that deer (the four point buck who just jumped over our hood)?!" I look for what he calls "my deer fix" as we drive through the Uinta National Forest home to our RV park. He's the one who sees them these days, not me.
Super powers fade with age. Next I won't be able to find the toilet.....
The Mother